Starting the engines....

...and so it begins. I received my first call about a potential potential "placement" possibility. The birthmother had contacted the agency, reviewed all the profiles of waiting parents "in the pool" and then asked to see more. The ink was still drying on my dear birthparent letter and five page autobiography, and there were some open items to wrap up if I wanted to get in this pool (e.g. like assembling my photo collage but other near completed paperwork). And K., my counselor at OAFS, was just days away from completing the full write up of our homestudy. We were getting close. March 15th: I had been back in town just four days after my East Coast travels, when I came home one evening from work with three messages on my cell phone and one at home. They were all from K. (note to self: check cell phone at least once during the work day, esp. if I am expecting any life-changing calls!). Turns out a young birthmother had a number of similiarities to me--from East Coast, active in community service, and other common traits -- so the messages were from K. asking if she could share my near final version of my letter to this woman over the weekend. I was thrilled. I was not even officially in the "pool" yet- could this really be happening? And here was the catch- she was expecting in one month (mid-April). Well, heck, I have not even finished my taxes! Or cleared out the second bedroom. Or thought about girl names (see 'I had a dream...' further down.). Is this too soon? Did I need more time? Well, I set out for the weekend to a cabin retreat with four other friends to this lovely winter getaway near Mt. Ranier, where some friends had the good foresight to plan ahead a few months ago and reserve a weekend.

I took the opportunity to just sit with this news and feel/observe my reactions and emotions....with the aid of a glass or two of wine...and ask myself: Was it too soon? Was I feeling anxious? The good news is that it all felt right. I wanted to stay on this path--if the birthmother was interested, we could go from there. The next few days I spent some time surfing online through parenting resources and the 'essentials' needed when an infant comes home. Who knew there were so many options for car seats?! Oh, and the accessorizing! I signed up for a class about infant care (in a few weeks) for new parents- what the heck?!

So, to wrap up this long story- I learned yesterday that the birthmother found a family through another means and will consider that option for the placement of her baby. Am I disappointed? Oh, a tad but I also trust timing and fate and I guess this was not for me. More than anything I am relieved to know that my feelings and direction are consistent and in line with what led me to begin this process almost a year ago. So, I am staying on this path, even with its dry patches and bumps, and am feeling good about it! Oh, and suffice it to say, I'll be doing a much deeper review the next few weeks of all these infant home products!